i shared briefly last year about my relationship with my body and food. i’ve always know that i’m an emotional eater..
i’ve ate when i’m sad, happy, stressed..
i’ve stuffed food into my mouth when i was very angry.
and i’ve starved myself as punishment for myself.
it has been quite a ride and i still do not have the ideal relationship with my body and food yet. just a few days ago, i realised there are certain people and situations where i will be eating even though i’m aware i’m full. and it is not cos i’m enjoying the food, it’s just because it’s comforting and/or help me cope with the environment. and, i’ve been doing this mindlessly and not aware of it until recently.
that day, i was sharing with H this realisation. i was very upset and angry at why and how i am this way. and then, she said this sentence that left me bawling so badly.
“it’s ok. everything will be ok. you eat everything you want until you are happy.”
this sentence left me bawling.
actually i cannot really remember the exact sentence cos i was so overwhelmed, in good way.
and when i could, i told her that i would never had imagined this sentence to be sooooooo comforting.
(even as i type this, i’m tearing. )
i was treating myself the exact way i was being treated. they always had something to say..
when i gained weight and when i lost weight. when i ate a lot and when i ate little.
and here i am having issue with myself when i eat and when i don’t eat.
what H said made me realised.
it is not about whether i eat or not..
it is also not about why i eat..(i can be sad, angry, happy, whatever)
it is about how i view that action i took – whatever that action is.
for now, i will borrow strength and love from H’s being and words while i continue to heal my relationship with my body and food.